JOE HART: quality keeper but inexperienced at international level
DAVID JAMES: an absolute clown, calamity
ROBERT GREEN: awful season with a relegation-threatened club is hardly preparation to stop Brazilian, Spanish, Argentinian forwards
JAMIE CARRAGHER: real defender but sufficiently lacking international experience
ASHLEY COLE: detestable imp in the John Terry mould but unfortunately our best left-back
RIO FERDINAND: captain. if fully fit, our best defender
GLEN JOHNSON: a liability defensively, better at coming forward
LEDLEY KING: great defender, but when exactly was the last time he played for England? or even strung two matches together?
JOHN TERRY: slow, over-rated, a dirty rat. there would probably be more cheers if he broke his leg in the first minute against USA than if he lifted the trophy
MATTHEW UPSON: average. can someone please remind me why he's in the squad again?
STEPHEN WARNOCK: tough-tackling, decent cover for Cashley, barely any international experience
GARETH BARRY: reliable holding midfielder, if fit, could have a vital role to play for England
MICHAEL CARRICK: out of form, mistake-prone, no special skills, why is he going to the World Cup?
JOE COLE: another mysterious one. had limited playing time this season, boring to watch, does nothing
STEVEN GERRARD: incapable of passing to a team-mate in an England shirt, lousy
FRANK LAMPARD: annoyingly quiet as soon as the England shirt is put on
AARON LENNON: flying winger with bags of pace. could be a jewel in our crown. but does he have the strength to help out defensively?
JAMES MILNER: love this guy, hardworking, stamina, power, goalscorer. could be our star of the tournament
SHAUN WRIGHT-PHILLIPS: really can't work out why he's on the plane to South Africa. Anyone?
PETER CROUCH: tall, good skill, terrible at heading, good scoring record for England though
JERMAINE DEFOE: quiet finish to the season, not really too sure about him, fast, strong(ish), hmm...
EMILE HESKEY: and when did Heskey play a game for Aston Villa this season?
WAYNE ROONEY: the talisman, most talented player in the squad by a mile, power, touch, awareness, goal-scorer and creator, shame he's in a pants team
So what do you think? Do you share my views? Or feel differently about these players? I think they're a bunch of monkeys who will once again fail miserably. I hope beyond hope that I'm wrong, but come on, let's get real. Anyway, for what it's worth......
COME ON ENGLAND!!!